Bye Ba 爸, I'll See You in the Morning

A letter for the man who taught mine how to be one.

Dec 10, 2024

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I am Heidi, an Asian-Australian woman who writes at the intersection of life, faith, pop culture, and the immigrant family experience. Subscribe to never miss a post.

Trigger warning: This letter mentions the death of a loved one.

This letter was not planned nor one I wanted to write before Christmas. On Friday 22 November 2024, my father-in-law, “Ba 爸” suddenly passed away from a short battle with cancer.

Where do I begin in describing the man we’ve lost? A refugee, survivor, and entrepreneur. A family man—husband, father to 6, and grandfather to 10. A factory worker, business owner, and man of the land. Most significant of all, a decade ago at the age of 74, he was baptised and became a brother in Christ.

These words were written as a way to process my grief, stand in hope, and to honour the remarkable man who taught mine how to be one.

Dear Ba 爸,

I heard you were in pain this week, so I came to the hospital as soon as our flight touched down in Brisbane. Although the doctors said you would be discharged that afternoon, I still came, not realising that this would be my last moments with you.

I was optimistic we had more time.

You were always so strong, active and healthy. The last time you were in hospital, you had been stung from head-to-toe by a swarm of angry bees. While your family panicked, you posed for a photo with a joke and smile…before deciding bee-keeping was an excellent retirement hobby! We often say your generation was built different, but you truly took perseverance and pain tolerance to another level.

When I arrived at your ward, you were resting in bed, dressed in your signature striped blue polo, with Mum by your side. She was always there for you—your loyal bride, business partner, and best friend. That morning, you were feeling better. Your appetite had returned, and for the first time in 3 days, you were pain-free.

You quickly took my hand and wanted to talk. You repeated over and over how proud you were of your son and five daughters. You held my daughter with a glowing smile, praising her for being beautiful and clever. You shed tears as you faced your humanity and need for help. I learned that morning that even earth’s heroes need hugs.

爸 loved playing with his ten grandchildren

You opened up about past pain—poverty and war in Vietnam, surviving a refugee camp, and the grief of losing 4 of 5 siblings. In 1977, the Australian government granted you a new life within safe borders, and you fought tooth and nail to redeem your past and to raise up the Tai Clan. Nothing made you happier than seeing the whole clan return home to enjoy your cooking.

Starting from the bottom, you were never afraid to give every opportunity a go. Your new life began in a Queensland glass factory - the place that robbed you of a finger, but not your zeal or entrepreneurial spirit. You found other ways to earn an income—a fish & chip shop, an Italian Deli, olive trees, and even an ostrich farm before settling at ‘Captain Convenience’, a corner store that you ran until retirement. No breaks; no holidays, you worked 7 days a week, all year round to gift your children the life you never had.

Hearing your stories in hospital, it felt surreal that a man as strong as you was now being forced to face his limits. But I told you that everything would be ok. I believed it. The doctors said you were getting discharged.

We had more time.

One more family dinner.

One more family holiday.

One last Christmas.

My daughter was getting tired so we decided to leave. I hugged you and said: “Bye 爸, I’ll see you in the morning.” They were my last words to you, and it’s why my heart is broken. I missed my chance to say a proper goodbye and to express my gratitude for you.

Ba 爸, in the last 12 years, I have never felt like I had to earn my place in the Tai Clan because you always treated me like one of your own. When I first found out that Mikey had 5 sisters (and that I would be the youngest adult of the clan) I was quite frankly, a little terrified. However, the moment I stepped into your home, I was welcomed with warmth and hospitality.

Pouring tea for 爸 on my wedding day during the Chinese Tea Ceremony

I gained the older sisters that I never had—women who inspired me with their generosity, resilience, compassion, and loyalty. My dad voiced to me the other day that he has never had to worry about me in Brisbane, because he knows the Tai Clan has got my back. Now that you’re gone, I can’t help but wonder, did I do enough to make you feel that I had yours too?

I know that you expressed your love for us not with words, but with your concern, stoic strength, and provision. You started cooking for me slow-cooked pork belly and pickled vegetables after you noticed that I ordered it for lunch one day. I would come over empty handed, only to leave with buckets of bread, dragon fruit, and sweet potato leaves.

When the cancer progressed and you began to struggle with weakness and fatigue, you still forced yourself out of bed to gift me fresh fish from your lake. Even in your very last days, you stunned me with your selflessness, grit and determination. Is it a surprise, these are the things that I appreciate most about Mikey? You were a remarkable man who taught mine how to be one.

When Mikey and I began dating, I learned that he had been praying for your salvation for over 10 years. He had spent many years trying to be a son that you could be proud of, but his new faith in Jesus had caused tension between the two of you.

After graduating from a Law degree to honour your wishes, Mikey then told you he was now going to study theology to become a Christian pastor. It was a decision which left you livid—and understandably so. You had worked so hard to ensure your family’s future success. How could your only son throw away an opportunity promising financial security, wealth, and status?

Though your conversion seemed impossible, we continued to pray, and as Mikey began his studies as a pastor, God simultaneously began to work in your heart. At the age of 74, you put your faith in Jesus. At your baptism, you apologised to your children for your parenting mistakes. You also told Mikey for the first time that you were proud of him—regardless of his career choices—because he’s your son. You have achieved many things in your lifetime, but to me, these were your greatest moments as a man and father.

Ba 爸, I made a promise that I would see you in the morning, and because of your faith in Jesus, I believe that morning will come. On that Day, we will be reunited in greener pastures—a new creation; your dream home, free from tears, sickness, and goodbyes.

Until then, we’ll miss you 爸.

See you in the morning.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” - Revelation 21:4

My deepest condolences and love to the Tai Clan—

, Lucia, Linda, and Grace—to whom this letter is dedicated to.

Warm & Fuzzies

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