A Second Chance With the Child We Miss
On grandparents, healing the inner child, and the gift of second chances.
Welcome to Letters From Heidi, a refuge for truth seekers, deep-feelers, and the homesick searching for Eternity.
I am Heidi, an Asian-Australian woman who writes stories and essays on life, faith, pop culture, and the immigrant family experience. Learn the story behind Letters From Heidi here, or subscribe to never miss a post!
Have you ever wondered why grandparents spoil their grandchildren in ways that they never did for their own children? My parents live interstate so they don’t get regular time with their first and only grandchild, but for the last five weeks living together, I watched them show up for her in ways I never expected.
Each morning would come with a new body ache, but for them, no task was too hard, nor request too burdensome. There was always enough time for “one more song”, always enough love for “one last huggle”. I learned that grandparents don’t believe in hurry and hustle. Life is too short. They won’t stay little forever.
Perhaps grandparenting is an opportunity to recreate the Tiny Years—to pause to be fully present, to leave no words unspoken, to have one last hug and kiss. Perhaps it’s a way to heal from past regret, to undo old cycles, to love a past version of a child they miss.
My parents confessed that time with my daughter reminds them so much of our Tiny Years together—only this time, free from immigrant debt and postpartum depression, and now with God’s guiding grace to live and love well.
It has brought me unexpected joy to see them as grandparents, slowing down to stop and smell the sunrise, hooray the little things, and to giggle through the mess. I expected motherhood to be hard, but I never imagined it to be so healing—both to my inner-child and my parent’s inner critic. The second chance we never knew we needed.
No parent is perfect, and my capacity to break a child’s heart was a fear that once squashed my desire for children. But I have since learned, through my parents’ conversion and example, that it’s not my job to show up as the perfect parent, rather, it’s my privilege with all my flaws and failures, to point my child to the One who is. When the burden of being your child’s Saviour is lifted, there is room for confession and apologies; requests for second chances.
God’s grace is sweeter, more amazing, when you’ve known grief and regret. The same God who imprints eternity into the human heart—the desire for perfection and happily ever afters—has also finished our stories with resurrection hope.
I’m (still) learning that no matter our stories, in Him, second chances are always possible.
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Oh, this is lovely, Heidi. I see this between my own parents and my children, and it makes my heart ache every time. There is so much healing there.
I really loved this, Heidi.